i can read a novel out loud while you lay on my floor with your head in my lap and we can feel happy because we are touching each other and i am using my voice and we don’t have to think about global climate change or death

i drank a bottle of wine and swallowed ambien

i felt preemptive regret about a thing i hadn’t done yet

while we had sex on my couch

i made noises with my mouth

and watched cartoons on the TV

i thought ‘do porn stars feel sad’

‘i feel sad’

i kissed you once and felt self-aware and stopped kissing you

i could feel my head expanding to disastrous proportions

i leaned on your chest and visualized the word ‘cephalocaudal’

i watched you fall asleep on my bed and wished you were a specific person

i walked around my house at 4 in the morning

or dreamt about walking around my house at 4 in the morning

my cat expressed disappointment and irritation and other emotions

i noticed foreign details on my naked body in the bathroom mirror

i couldn’t feel or move one of my thumbs

a purple and yellow bruise will form on my collarbone tomorrow

i touched things in my kitchen

coffee grounds, alfalfa sprouts, counter top, short grain brown rice

i imagined the face of a specific person and tried to make myself cry

i imagined wrapping my entire body around this specific person’s leg

i thought about 100 degree weather and factories that manufacture whole wheat pasta